The Zooey Zephyr I Love, From The Woman She Just Proposed To

I have wonderful news to share with Erin In The Morning readers. On May 5th, Rep. Zooey Zephyr surprised me by proposing in front of a crowd of queer people at queer prom. I, of course, said yes!

Photo credit to David Clumpner Photography

It is with immense pleasure that I share a personal story of queer joy, rather than discussing harmful anti-trans legislation for a change. On May 5, 2023, Rep. Zooey Zephyr, Montana's first transgender representative and my beloved partner, proposed to me in front of hundreds of queer and trans individuals at Missoula's Queer Prom. I was delightedly caught completely off guard - while we had talked about potential proposals and rings, we had considered summer as the likely time to commit to spending the rest of our lives together. Clearly, Zooey had other plans. I want to use this opportunity to share with my readers the story of Zooey and I, the events that unfolded on that memorable Friday night, and the happiness we experienced together - a happiness we hope to harness in order to change the world for good.

I met Zooey nearly a year ago, as both of us were involved in activism around LGBTQ+ people. We very quickly hit it off as we found our Discord calls stretched far past the allotted time to talk about the causes we worked together on. I recall a moment when I casually tucked my hair behind my ear in a flirtatious manner, believing I was being subtle and sly. It turns out my attraction to her was quite apparent, a fact she would playfully rib me about as our relationship progressed.

It wasn't long before I began making cross-country trips to visit her in Missoula, while she took flights to stay with me in Washington, D.C. I had the privilege of witnessing her most significant moments. On election night, she shared the story of her flight landing after learning she had won, which included a flight attendant in tears because they had a transgender child. I saw her first challenging weeks in the legislature and comforted her during the state's severe attacks on trans people. Indeed, I was there to give her strength through recent events, covering her speech against the state's gender-affirming care ban, the Montana Freedom Caucus' call for her censure, the protests at the Capitol building, and her eventual expulsion from the House floor by a Republican supermajority. She rose to meet the moment and the world got to see the fierce and relentless advocate that I had come to love.

There were so many relentless attacks on her by the far right - they released her deadname (the old name given to trans people prior to transitioning and changing their names). They released old pictures of her. They sat in benches to prevent her from being able to sit right outside the legislative chambers to represent the people she had been sent there to speak for. They took her voice away on the House Floor. They didn’t know the woman I knew - if they had, they never would have tried - the one who would only go stronger with every swing they threw at her. Let me tell you about the real Zooey Zephyr.

Zooey is a compassionate individual who genuinely feels the impact of each person who tells her how her actions have transformed their lives. She sheds tears of happiness upon learning that she has helped even just one person accept themselves or their family. Zooey truly cares about the people in her community, all of them. Her love for her state and home is evident in her enthusiasm when showing me her favorite local coffee shops, clothing stores, and scenic parks. Her face lights up with pride as she shares stories about western Montana, Glacier National Park, the vastness of Flathead Lake, and hikes up to the "M." Her joy is infectious. She speaks about the people who reside there in the same manner, and they acknowledge her empathetic advocacy with knowing glances, hugs, and joyful thanks wherever she goes.

The Zooey I know is the woman who snuggles with me after a tough day, her smile bringing comfort. She always knows the right words to say and the perfect way to deliver them. Her soothing voice captivated me from the moment I first heard it. She's a playful soul with an impressive knowledge of anime series, a lover of philosophy, and an exceptional writer and storyteller. I once asked her to tell me a bedtime story, and for months, I drifted off to sleep as she expanded upon it, spinning an intricate plot seemingly out of nowhere. She shares a special bond with my son, who cherishes every moment spent with her. He even named a stuffed animal after her to remind him of her presence during the many weeks she's away for work.

We've known for some time that we were destined to be together forever. Early in our relationship, Zooey expressed her desire for a love that felt like home. Together, we discovered that and so much more, creating a love that feels like family. With this in mind, we've been contemplating our future together, discussing ring sizes and potential engagement plans. We initially considered the summer, but as Zooey faced and overcame those who sought to harm her and her constituents, I quickly arranged a trip to be by her side. Unbeknownst to me, my plans filled her with such joy that she retrieved the ring she intended to propose with later in the year and instead devised a plan to pop the question during Queer Prom.

And well… you can see what happened next:

That night was among the most memorable of my life. Prior to the proposal, Zooey mingled with hundreds of queer, trans, and allied individuals who had gathered to celebrate a prom experience many LGBTQ+ adults never had the chance to enjoy. Every person she encountered radiated joy and thanks for her presence. Unbeknownst to them, she carried a backpack with a ring tucked away at the bottom. Nonbinary Representative SJ Howell spoke first, and their speech concluded with a heartfelt kiss with their partner, eliciting cheers from the crowd. So, when Zooey stepped up to deliver her speech about queer joy and resilience, it was no surprise that the audience responded with enthusiasm, inviting me to stand beside her. As she dropped to one knee and the crowd erupted in excitement, I was filled with overwhelming sense of joy, sharing this incredible moment with so many others.

Zooey's speech emphasized that the joy LGBTQ+ individuals bring to the world has the power to transform it. She highlighted the enduring presence and resilience of our community throughout history. It's this very strength that enabled Zooey to accomplish all that she has in the Montana legislature. Her unwavering optimism, relentless advocacy for her constituents, and her love for the state are all products of her belief in the power of joy and resilience. As she slipped the ring onto my finger, I realized that I would be an integral part of this journey for the rest of our lives.

Zooey and I are both trans. The aftermath of our proposal spread like wildfire and shocked us both in a wonderful way - LGBTQ+ magazines covered it and we even received congratulations from the White House itself! Likewise, a lot of people who have spewed hate over trans people seemed extremely confused at the idea that trans people could date each other - newsflash, gender and sexuality are different things and T4T (“trans for trans”) couples are fairly common in the LGBTQ+ community! We love each other for who we are as individuals and the way in which we, when together, make each other stronger. It was wonderful to see so many trans people in similar relationships appreciate the happiness we feel.

I am overjoyed to be the one who loves Zooey and the one she loves in return. We both share a deep commitment to making the world a better place, and we believe that together, we can achieve this goal. We also understand that the moments of happiness we share with each other and occasionally with the world can inspire others to do the same. In a world where trans people often face adversity and their lives are scrutinized, Zooey and I had the opportunity on Friday night to present an alternative vision. In this world, joy takes center stage, allowing us to create a world we are proud to inhabit, where love wins. I am honored to embark on this journey by her side.