17 Comments
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Ellen Adele Harper's avatar

Excellent advice. As a federal political prisoner, the holidays meant only limited access to rec, the library, and the chapel. And a meal that was better than average. When I got out, and came out, the family I had before going to prison no longer existed. My father died of cancer a month before I went down. My mom moved to TN where my sister could look after her. I talk to her Christmas morning, but in her senility, it is not much of a conversation. My wife had moved back to her family in southern Indiana. She would soon divorce me, though we remained friends until she died last summer in a car accident. I haven’t seen or heard from any of my cousins since I got out and came out. And my best and oldest friend, now a Trump cheerleader, turned on me viciously when I came out to her. My lesbian daughter visited me for a while today. She liked the present I gave her, but she couldn’t stay long.

So I don’t really celebrate holidays much anymore more. However, for me every day is Christmas & Thanksgiving, New Year’s Day and So’hain. Every day is a celebration of life, love and the communion of existence. Whatever the circumstances, I celebrate every moment of existence.

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Tripp Burton's avatar

As always, thank you for this. Thanksgiving was our first big holiday since my thirteen-year old came out, and while things went well, we also learned a lot. These small tips are so helpful!

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Shirley Gauthier she/her's avatar

As an ally there are so many valuable suggestions in this piece. I especially enjoyed the suggestion that if you're inviting someone let them know they are welcome to bring friends. Offering to join in on bathroom trips! So many good tips!

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Terri's avatar

Happy holidays Erin. The work both you and Zooey are doing is invaluable.

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Valencia Castlegate's avatar

It's nice to read something on here that's heartwarming rather than heart-alarming!

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Susan Liddle's avatar

Thank you for this helpful list. As the parent of an adult trans woman, and the aunt of a non-binary nibling (I love that word), I am glad to have the suggestion of inviting friends who may not have supportive family. Keep up your good and thoughtful work. I'm not alone in appreciating it!

Susan

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GhostoftheWhiteRose's avatar

Thank you for the list. These are great! Going to share this post with other parents/allies of transgender people.

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Dave's avatar

Happy Holidays Erin and Zooey!

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Consuelo Beck-Sague, MD's avatar

What a helpful and sensitive guide! Happy holidays, Erin!

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Cassie's avatar

i stayed in an abusive relationship for 20 years, for my kids. My ex is a narcissistic serial cheater who is physically and emotionally abusive when upset. But she is spending the holidays surrounded by family, including my kids, and i am alone. Because i'm transgender, and she's not.

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Diane's avatar

I'm sorry 😔

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Shayne's avatar

I'm not a big believer in Christmas but this time of year can be hard. I hope you're able to make use of the space and distance you now have from someone that clearly wasn't good for you. Sometimes it is making room for a better life that masquerades as loss. I'm hoping you can do something really nice, just for yourself.

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Cassie's avatar

Btw, thank you so much for your kind words.

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Cassie's avatar

Definite case of the lonelies, but i don't regret leaving. 🖤

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LG's avatar

Happy holidays to you and your family! We so appreciate the difficult and endless work you do, especially since it’s so personal. We have a 14 year old trans daughter and I love having such strong role models for her. Thanks for being you.

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Chelle Howard's avatar

Thank you for your advice not only for person whom is trans but parent who is cisgender just trying to love their child(adult -trans child) wanting them to know that their “you” is what we love. “ my baby you’ll always be”

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Rachel Muir's avatar

Thanks, Erin -- I have friends who struggle with all these elements of the holidays and this is solid advice. I enjoy your posts and admire deeply what you are doing. Thank you.

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