The next few years will be hard for transgender people. I reflect on my own feelings of warmth after my wedding to Zooey, Christmas with my wife and family, and the feelings of an uncertain future.
Thank you for writing this. I’m terrified of what’s to come and I’m scared for my transgender daughter and her friends. You have reminded me that I and my home can be a safe space, a refuge from the ugliness that is to come. No matter how scared I am, I need to be a light for others and not curl up in a ball of fear.
Thank you for this lovely reflection. We are so happy for you two, and appreciate all that you two do for the trans and ally community. As a pastor I am holding you two in the light as we move into this difficult time. We appreciate the way you have created community in these chats and the ways you are steadfast in your journalism. xoxo
That was simply beautiful. I am taking my daughter tomorrow for possibly her last injection in NC/USA. We do not know what the future holds, but this Christmas has been magical. We have a family plan and we appreciate your writing and sacrifices.
I’m glad you had a warm loving winter. For me it was my first Christmas after coming out. My wife before thanksgiving emptied the bank account, took the kids, is kicking me out of our home, is divorcing me for transgendering to female (yes it’s in the divorce paperwork like that), outed me to both families and has left me alone since……. Because of Trump and his crap my own mother told me I’m possessed by the devil
Fortunately, my family loves me and I have no intolerant relatives. I realize this is a privilege among queer people and it makes me sad there are people such as yourself and Stacy Hinman who don't have that.
Stacy, I see you, I hear you, I wish you all the best in the new year. You've had a lot hit you and hit you hard in a short period of time.
I'd like to share my coming out mantra with you, my "seven thoughts on gender transition":
Right now everything hurts like hell, nothing remains intact, and it's natural to feel so filled with pain and betrayal.
But it won't always be like it is right NOW.
There will come a time when the balance between grief and joy will tilt in your favor.
Some folks who reject you now may change their hearts later, for change is the only reliable constant.
The ability to breathe air into YOUR lungs, to feel the sun on YOUR skin, to feel the wind in YOUR hair, to caress YOUR scalp, as you truly, genuinely, authentically are, and not as a masquerade, a spy, an actor, a cipher, is a gift NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE FROM YOU. Not ever.
People will exit your life, and come, and go. The ones who love you for your genuine and authentic self, are quite simply worth more. Quality over quantity is a valuable paradigm with our relationships!
Community...can be everything. Seek other Trans and queer folk, especially with the times coming. But community can do so much more than just protect our social transition and human contacts, it can be there for us in ways we cannot always even imagine.
We Trans folk, we live complex lives and no two journeys are exactly alike, we are therefore indeed special snowflakes and fuck the haters, for we are heroes. I wear that title like a badge of honor because I earned it. But we have ALL done one amazing thing so few get to do; we get to consciously cross a border between all that is past, and all that may yet be. Imagine how amazing we are that we get to experience that moment, for so few people get the chance to do so!
I've found comfort in these thoughts, I hope they do so for you, too.
I have been there as well. My family has voted for trump 3x and they pretty much did what yours did. Please take care of yourself. You aren't the devil or a demon. In some way I hope it helps you.
We're with you Stacy, you're not alone. Your story is part of all of us and our stories part of you. We all know how it feels, what it's like. Feel the warmth of all our hugs enfolding you.
May Flights of TransAngels Bear You. Up To Your New Life
The comfort lies in knowing the trans community and those who love and support them will face this storm together with the grace and strength of folx like you and Zooey.
May, family, friends and community support grow, or blossom. Showing steadfast hope. Whether living ones life, part if it or feelings of uncertainty, that know it's what can be done for now. Hold on! 🫶🏼🏳️⚧️💛🤍💜🖤
Keeping me strong, even when i feel weak~ thanks for the pep-post. It goes a very far way to keeping the community upbeat and full of hope that we can create a better place for all of us!
As Erin noted, the “safety” of blue states feels increasingly tenuous. But this is where I think a huge opportunity lies. Civil rights protections and access to GAC are written into the laws and/or constitutions of several of these states, especially the bigger and more powerful ones. We must contact our local legislators, governor’s offices, etc. and insist that they keep us safe in the face of the new Trump administration. They can cite states rights to do so, which supposedly the GOP is all about anyway. Perhaps the larger blue states can band together somehow for these protections.
These states represent the last bulwark of protection, so they must be fought for. There is no doubt that life in red states for trans people will become increasingly difficult, and perhaps completely untenable. However - though it is far from certain - it is possible that state-level protections, combined with general administrative dysfunction and the very narrow GOP majority in the House, might just be enough to get us - barely - through the next four to eight years, or however long it takes for a Democratic administration to come back to power.
Thanks so much Erin for all that beautiful writing and the heart warming sentiment throughout. A group of us (old friends of 50 years!) were gathered this past week and each one of us has a relationship to a wonderful and celebrated transgender being. We started talking about the concept (adrienne marie brown) of radical pleasure and the fact that all of us who are or who care about our LGBTQ+ community need to practice that concept on a daily basis, as well as encourage our whole community to practice that concept. Resistance to this incoming administration is going to require us to take care of ourselves and each other! Sending everyone love and warmth and strength and courage in this new year! We got this!!
I think that people who are Trans and nonbinary need to understand the importance of gathering and supporting, as well as adding to the significant calendar days that have already been made such important days for us to support each other. We also have to double down on the primary cis days that involve us.
If we remain an open and inclusive ‘in your face presence’, defying any and all attempts to erase us, and become a black eye to the right, then our community can grow even stronger than it is now.
Trans Day of Remembrance (TDOR), Trans Pride Month, Trans Day of Visibility, and other significant days we have designated over the years, need to be attended, celebrated and prominently applauded in the media. They are all important and meaningful, but these days are all a part of our history and who we are, and a sharp stick in the eye to the political right, evangelical and conservative activists.
my one solace about the incoming Trump administration is that they'll hopefully be too incompetent to get anything done
You may well be very right!
Thank you for writing this. I’m terrified of what’s to come and I’m scared for my transgender daughter and her friends. You have reminded me that I and my home can be a safe space, a refuge from the ugliness that is to come. No matter how scared I am, I need to be a light for others and not curl up in a ball of fear.
Thank you for this lovely reflection. We are so happy for you two, and appreciate all that you two do for the trans and ally community. As a pastor I am holding you two in the light as we move into this difficult time. We appreciate the way you have created community in these chats and the ways you are steadfast in your journalism. xoxo
That was simply beautiful. I am taking my daughter tomorrow for possibly her last injection in NC/USA. We do not know what the future holds, but this Christmas has been magical. We have a family plan and we appreciate your writing and sacrifices.
I’m glad you had a warm loving winter. For me it was my first Christmas after coming out. My wife before thanksgiving emptied the bank account, took the kids, is kicking me out of our home, is divorcing me for transgendering to female (yes it’s in the divorce paperwork like that), outed me to both families and has left me alone since……. Because of Trump and his crap my own mother told me I’m possessed by the devil
I've been there. The first year after coming out can be great, but also can be horrific. I too was disowned by my family.
There's hope. Hold strong.
I am so sorry, Stacy. You are a strong woman. I am sending you big hugs.
Fortunately, my family loves me and I have no intolerant relatives. I realize this is a privilege among queer people and it makes me sad there are people such as yourself and Stacy Hinman who don't have that.
Stacy, I see you, I hear you, I wish you all the best in the new year. You've had a lot hit you and hit you hard in a short period of time.
I'd like to share my coming out mantra with you, my "seven thoughts on gender transition":
Right now everything hurts like hell, nothing remains intact, and it's natural to feel so filled with pain and betrayal.
But it won't always be like it is right NOW.
There will come a time when the balance between grief and joy will tilt in your favor.
Some folks who reject you now may change their hearts later, for change is the only reliable constant.
The ability to breathe air into YOUR lungs, to feel the sun on YOUR skin, to feel the wind in YOUR hair, to caress YOUR scalp, as you truly, genuinely, authentically are, and not as a masquerade, a spy, an actor, a cipher, is a gift NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE FROM YOU. Not ever.
People will exit your life, and come, and go. The ones who love you for your genuine and authentic self, are quite simply worth more. Quality over quantity is a valuable paradigm with our relationships!
Community...can be everything. Seek other Trans and queer folk, especially with the times coming. But community can do so much more than just protect our social transition and human contacts, it can be there for us in ways we cannot always even imagine.
We Trans folk, we live complex lives and no two journeys are exactly alike, we are therefore indeed special snowflakes and fuck the haters, for we are heroes. I wear that title like a badge of honor because I earned it. But we have ALL done one amazing thing so few get to do; we get to consciously cross a border between all that is past, and all that may yet be. Imagine how amazing we are that we get to experience that moment, for so few people get the chance to do so!
I've found comfort in these thoughts, I hope they do so for you, too.
i hope that your next christmas will be full of joy. i am sorry that this one sucks.
Sending a giant hug to you Stacy. That is so hard.
I have been there as well. My family has voted for trump 3x and they pretty much did what yours did. Please take care of yourself. You aren't the devil or a demon. In some way I hope it helps you.
We're with you Stacy, you're not alone. Your story is part of all of us and our stories part of you. We all know how it feels, what it's like. Feel the warmth of all our hugs enfolding you.
May Flights of TransAngels Bear You. Up To Your New Life
Even with a storm brewing and dangerous times ahead, your post brought a sense of serenity to my morning. Sending both of you much Aloha!
The comfort lies in knowing the trans community and those who love and support them will face this storm together with the grace and strength of folx like you and Zooey.
May, family, friends and community support grow, or blossom. Showing steadfast hope. Whether living ones life, part if it or feelings of uncertainty, that know it's what can be done for now. Hold on! 🫶🏼🏳️⚧️💛🤍💜🖤
Keeping me strong, even when i feel weak~ thanks for the pep-post. It goes a very far way to keeping the community upbeat and full of hope that we can create a better place for all of us!
That was touching
As Erin noted, the “safety” of blue states feels increasingly tenuous. But this is where I think a huge opportunity lies. Civil rights protections and access to GAC are written into the laws and/or constitutions of several of these states, especially the bigger and more powerful ones. We must contact our local legislators, governor’s offices, etc. and insist that they keep us safe in the face of the new Trump administration. They can cite states rights to do so, which supposedly the GOP is all about anyway. Perhaps the larger blue states can band together somehow for these protections.
These states represent the last bulwark of protection, so they must be fought for. There is no doubt that life in red states for trans people will become increasingly difficult, and perhaps completely untenable. However - though it is far from certain - it is possible that state-level protections, combined with general administrative dysfunction and the very narrow GOP majority in the House, might just be enough to get us - barely - through the next four to eight years, or however long it takes for a Democratic administration to come back to power.
Thanks so much Erin for all that beautiful writing and the heart warming sentiment throughout. A group of us (old friends of 50 years!) were gathered this past week and each one of us has a relationship to a wonderful and celebrated transgender being. We started talking about the concept (adrienne marie brown) of radical pleasure and the fact that all of us who are or who care about our LGBTQ+ community need to practice that concept on a daily basis, as well as encourage our whole community to practice that concept. Resistance to this incoming administration is going to require us to take care of ourselves and each other! Sending everyone love and warmth and strength and courage in this new year! We got this!!
Beautiful
Thank you, Erin. I take so much inspiration from you and Zooey! I'm so very proud of you.
I think that people who are Trans and nonbinary need to understand the importance of gathering and supporting, as well as adding to the significant calendar days that have already been made such important days for us to support each other. We also have to double down on the primary cis days that involve us.
If we remain an open and inclusive ‘in your face presence’, defying any and all attempts to erase us, and become a black eye to the right, then our community can grow even stronger than it is now.
Trans Day of Remembrance (TDOR), Trans Pride Month, Trans Day of Visibility, and other significant days we have designated over the years, need to be attended, celebrated and prominently applauded in the media. They are all important and meaningful, but these days are all a part of our history and who we are, and a sharp stick in the eye to the political right, evangelical and conservative activists.
You and Zoey are a treasure and I am so happy for the two of you! But this article brought me to tears 😭