A Last Moment Of Warmth Before The Anti-Trans Storm

The next few years will be hard for transgender people. I reflect on my own feelings of warmth after my wedding to Zooey, Christmas with my wife and family, and the feelings of an uncertain future.

Photograph by David Clumpner

I woke up this morning to a scene straight out of a postcard. Snow blanketed the rugged beauty of Big Sky, Montana, covering every imperfection in a glistening white. Outside, the world looked untouched, serene. Inside, I held Zooey close, savoring the quiet before the day pulled us apart. Our mini-honeymoon—our “half-moon,” as we lovingly called it—was coming to an end. Soon, I’d be back in D.C., boarding a flight that would take me away from this peaceful space we had claimed together.

In just a few days, Zooey will return to her work in the Montana State Legislature and I’ll be writing about the waves of anti-trans laws coming down the pipeline. Watching her prepare for this next chapter fills me with both pride and trepidation. I’ve seen the weight of her work before, the courage it demands, and the toll it takes. I’ve watched her walk into that building, steadfast in her convictions, knowing full well the harm and hostility that await—not just for her, but for the entire transgender community she fights for so fiercely.

Of course, her fight is not hers alone. The bills I report on have spread far beyond red states like Montana. With Donald Trump’s election and his explicit promises to target the transgender community, the fight is no longer contained to state legislatures—it is now a national battle. The sense of safety that queer people once felt in blue states, those supposed sanctuaries of protection, feels increasingly fragile. Even the trust placed in Democratic leaders, once counted on to defend LGBTQ+ rights, has started to erode. How does one hold onto warmth and hope with such a future looming? How do we find light when the darkness feels endless?

Over the last few days, Zooey and I, along with her family and our son, have managed to hold onto that warmth. Even as news broke of harsh new actions Trump plans to take against the transgender community, we found solace together. In the snow-covered expanse of Yellowstone National Park, we watched coyotes and buffalo roam, blissfully unaware of the political storms ahead. We found comfort in the Montana night sky, where the stars burned brighter than I had ever seen. Zooey simply smiled and called it home with pride.

It’s in these times that I am reminded of other hard times for trans and queer people in history. I often, when looking to the past, am struck by how in spite of the bad things and in spite of the fear, I always find queer people smiling. My favorite picture of the Stonewall uprisings are not of the LGBTQ+ people marching or the night of the riot, but the one taken the very next day, with friends holding each other in front of the boarded up building knowing that just a day before, police violence was enacted upon them, and knowing that there was no end in sight ahead of them. Just 30 years earlier, I look to pictures of trans women smiling at the El Dorado, knowing fascism was ascendent in Germany. If these people found warmth and the will to recharge themselves, maybe we all can.

Of course, not every trans and queer person has access to Montana's vast skies or Yellowstone's serene landscapes in their backyards. Not everyone in our community has a partner like Zooey to lean on through difficult times. But as we face these challenging months ahead, my hope for the LGBTQ+ community is that each person finds their own source of warmth, their own moment of peace. When future generations look back on these times, I want them to see what I see in those old photographs from the Stonewall era and before - people who, despite everything, found joy and connection in the midst of struggle. So find your moments of calm, whatever they may be. Hold them close. Let them fill you with strength for what lies ahead. Because while the storm is coming, our ability to find light in darkness has always been our greatest power.