When I tell people that my 75-year-old dad supports me, they call him a saint.
He's not. Take away the tolerance, and what remains? A depressed, lonely alcoholic who obsesses over minor inconveniences and appearance. Take away my transness, and I have a boring, old-fashioned, kind-of-annoying dad. I don't mean to come off as ungrateful, because of course I love him very much... but accepting me for who I am is the bare minimum, here.
Yet among my peers in the trans community, a dad like mine is a black swan. And as far as the wider world is concerned, the bar is so incredibly low for parents of LGBTQ+ people that it might as well be buried underground.
Tolerance and acceptance are the minimum. Every parent owes their children that. But they also owe their children more than that - understanding, compassion, empathy, good advice, tangible help when possible, and beyond.
> Tolerance and acceptance are the minimum. Every parent owes their children that. But they also owe their children more than that - understanding, compassion, empathy, good advice, tangible help when possible, and beyond.
I'm extremely lucky that I get that from my mother (and my cis-ter!)!
I just can’t fathom not loving my child with my whole heart. What parent chooses to reject the child they gave life to because of who they are? How incredibly tragic.
Some people view their children as separate people with their own lives, to be nurtured and cared for.
But I think a lot of parents (anecdotally, it feels like maybe half of them) view their children as their property, and in the United States, you are allowed to dispose of your property in whatever way you choose. If your property isn't behaving in a way that you want, you have every right to use any available means to correct it.
A crude way of looking at it - but seeing as how much of the anti-trans discourse is framed around "parents rights", a sadly common one.
When my adult child came out, I was the last person she told because she was so afraid to lose my love and support. I told her I will always love her unconditionally. How could I not? She is kind, loving, generous, intelligent, funny and so much more. And she’s mine. 💜
When our son came out to us, he said something to the effect of, I'm still the same person you raised. It was true. If you loved your child before the transition, you will love them after.
My Republican family accepted me when I came out fourteen years ago but since the GOPMAGAs have declared open and total war on our existence in the fall of the '24 campaign, that has changed and we are no longer able to see each other or even speak to each other. They blame ME for my "extremism", because apparently expecting to be treated like a human being and possess equal recognition under the law is asking too much.
I'm guessing it's cognitive dissonance. They KNOW that the party they support is persecuting you. They've taken a side. Perhaps after all this crap blows over and their mental illness resolves, you'll get your family back.
Both "me too" as in I hope I get them back and also I think you're 100% correct, thr real issue is that they are unprepared to confront severe cognitive dissonance. They refuse to acknowledge they are suffering ongoing trauma from the disconnect between how they feel about the party they were raised to worship along with the Roman Catholic Church and the war that party has declared upon the existence of people like me. They cannot process that "their team" is persecuting "their" adult child. But I'm almost 60 and in poor health. They're 82. I'm not sure any of us have time for fascism in America to wither and fuck off.
So they are maladaptively coping by blaming "transgender activists", George Soros, transgender extremists, communists, and Democrat pedophiles for... EVERYTHING. And I am an actual Trans advocate, have been for decades, and a progressive, a feminist, a polylingual multiculturalist, a Wiccan, a Unitarian, an educator, a community organizer, and a proud self identified queer. I literally cannot imagine what could be added to my resume to make me more distasteful to any given MAGA affiliated GOPer.
They love blaming people who vote Democrat on groomers, atheists, communists, and bad parenting. They haven't yet made the connection there to their OWN cognitive dissonance, lol.
I have to laugh because I'm saving my tears for the families of the people actually dying and actually being killed by the regime right now.
I know very few late stage transitioners that haven’t lost the majority of support and family. Myself included can count on one hand who in my family who accept me. And not 1 friend from my pre-transition days are friends now, to embarrassed of their friends opinions. But I’m still happier now and it’s their loss 😉
It is really a Shame that parents fail to recognize their child’s needs. Parents expect and want their child to fit into typical modes a boy is a boy a girl is a girl and it is very difficult to accept anything else. What they fail to recognize is that child did not choose what they are. What they need is the love and support of their parents and family to reach their full potential. My wife and I are the grandparents of a trans child and we love and support her as we would any grandchild. We feel grateful everyday that she is healthy and thriving. I feel sorry for those parents who cannot except their child they will miss so much joy.
Those statistics are heartbreaking. I cannot imagine a parent turning away from their child. I am just horrified by much of the population today; where is kindness and acceptance?
The first trans person who shared his transition with me is my friend Andy. I met his parents and, since they were really educated people with advanced degrees, they did the study, asked doctors the proper questions and prepared for him to live his best life. They helped him every step of the way.
In contrast to this, is a young trans woman, Jolene, who I call my daughter. One of many new chosen family members. Her hyper-religious mother forced her to detransition and speak out against transitioning AND trans people in general. She was even MAGA, during that time.
Her sense of Authentic Self was too strong and she re-transitioned, moved out, lived on her own, has had some trials and hurdles to jump over, but is now living a better life, with her new trans mom and several other trans women in the Cleveland area. We just celebrated her 39th birthday. (Her first with the proper gender marker on her driver's license) We went Downtown together and got that done a few months ago.
All someone needs to do is to listen, learn and drop the facade of knowing biology, science and psychology, just because you can regurgitate "X and Y", "gonads and gametes", a few anatomical parts nomenclature and religious rhetoric.
As I was typing this, another daughter called me to let me know she was OK. Had some post-op/post revision difficulties. She's autistic, AND she's doing well at a local university, studying Social Work. Getting good grades, holding down a job, has a boyfriend, keeps up the house she's living in. (Tell that to RFK Jr.!!) Defying all the bigots' insinuations, she exists. During her bottom surgery, doctors discovered ovaries, intact and functioning. Wonderful story; wonderful kid.
She's doing a study on the social issues faced by trans folks. Three of her new siblings are participating in the study; Jolene, mentioned above, April and August; all of them are my new kids. (The last two being musicians) We've played together in the same local community band.
August told me that I got to play in his very first concert, where he was fully out and dressed as a boy!!
There's actually a lot of Trans Joy over here in the Cleveland area. Thankfully, enjoyed by my kids.
Protect trans kids, listen to them, care for them, hide them, if it comes to it. Learn more, meet more folks who are different than you. Find common ground, while standing your ground if possible. Don't anybody give up and pack it in. Resist! Go to protests. Talk to others and pass along the truth about trans kids. We're doing the best we can here in Ohio!
One of the patterns that, anecdotally I’m familiar with, is relatives that were relatively “accepting” years ago but are not now. In other words, a backsliding of support. One can question if they were ever really accepting in the first place, but some support is better than none.
For this terribly sad pattern, you can thank politicians and the media and their unrelenting war on trans people.
As a parent of now adult children all I can say is treating my children differently because of the color of their skin or the perception of their assigned sex at birth is disgusting. It’s repulsive to me.
We’re supposed to live in a world of equal opportunity. The constitution protects us and our individual liberty. What’s fair is fair. Everybody plays by the same rules. Everybody gets to play on the same playing field and cooking the same kitchen.
I mean with all the red in this country this isn’t shocking. I have 8 chosen family members who had to rehome ( 4 of which I gave room to when they needed it ) because their families said GTFO. Pew just validates that
I dont think that its a red-blue line issue. I think that is a raw acceptance issue. Too often people lockstep Red - Conservative and blue - Liberal. This is not always the case. Look at the history of Dixiecrats - hard right wing democrats from the 40s 50s, and 60s. There ARE conservative democrats, even now. But reasons as to why a parent may not be accepting could be
1) Religious or cultural convictions opposing gender variance.
2) Fear of societal stigma and bullying toward the child.
3) Misunderstanding of transgender identity, assuming it’s a phase.
4) Concern for the child’s mental‑health risks without support.
5) Lack of exposure to positive transgender role models or supportive community networks today.
All of these cases may not necessarily fall into a Conservative vs Liberal mindset, so I tend to agree with you Evelyn.
My dad is 79, retired, cishet, white, upper middle class, and atheist. I would describe him as center-right; he voted Republican until Trump happened but hates the man and all of his cronies and now he votes blue. He has one younger brother that I haven't spoken to or seen in years.
Dad performs the bare minimum of acceptance of me as a trans woman. He rarely deadnames me, sometimes misgenders me, and there's definitely a bit of a gulf that has formed between us since I came out.
My mom died more than 20 years ago, well before I came out. Her side of the family doesn't acknowledge my existence. I died, or I never existed, take your pick. They are cishet, white, middle class, and mired in a cult-like sect of Christianity just as crazy and insular as Scientology.
My boyfriend's cishet, white, upper class, Deep South evangelical Christian parents (70s-ish in age) are retired. His mom accepts me with her whole heart. His dad is civil at best and wisely keeps his mouth shut when uncomfortable topics arise.
I was a late bloomer as it were coming out in my late fifties and transitioning from 2018 to the present(I’m 67 now!) l was never able to come out to my parents because they had passed on by then but I know that My Mom would have been naturally surprised and possibly shocked by such a revelation but she would have accepted me as Stephanie! I don’t know if Dad would have but I like to think he would have! Not withstanding, it breaks my heart that so many of my community members are rejected by blood relatives and parents! But just know that their behavior is All On THEM! It’s not and Never Will Be the Childs Fault that they are Horrible People and Parents, THEY OWN THEIR OWN HATREDS!
Live Your Life to the Fullest and Most Authentic Self! TRANS IS FOREVER!🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈❤️
When I tell people that my 75-year-old dad supports me, they call him a saint.
He's not. Take away the tolerance, and what remains? A depressed, lonely alcoholic who obsesses over minor inconveniences and appearance. Take away my transness, and I have a boring, old-fashioned, kind-of-annoying dad. I don't mean to come off as ungrateful, because of course I love him very much... but accepting me for who I am is the bare minimum, here.
Yet among my peers in the trans community, a dad like mine is a black swan. And as far as the wider world is concerned, the bar is so incredibly low for parents of LGBTQ+ people that it might as well be buried underground.
Tolerance and acceptance are the minimum. Every parent owes their children that. But they also owe their children more than that - understanding, compassion, empathy, good advice, tangible help when possible, and beyond.
> Tolerance and acceptance are the minimum. Every parent owes their children that. But they also owe their children more than that - understanding, compassion, empathy, good advice, tangible help when possible, and beyond.
I'm extremely lucky that I get that from my mother (and my cis-ter!)!
I just can’t fathom not loving my child with my whole heart. What parent chooses to reject the child they gave life to because of who they are? How incredibly tragic.
Some people view their children as separate people with their own lives, to be nurtured and cared for.
But I think a lot of parents (anecdotally, it feels like maybe half of them) view their children as their property, and in the United States, you are allowed to dispose of your property in whatever way you choose. If your property isn't behaving in a way that you want, you have every right to use any available means to correct it.
A crude way of looking at it - but seeing as how much of the anti-trans discourse is framed around "parents rights", a sadly common one.
That’s a really sad statistic. I blame the media for this most of all.
Anecdotally, 31% seems high.
yeah - it's if *some* parents are accepting, not *all*. I would have two different answers.
When my adult child came out, I was the last person she told because she was so afraid to lose my love and support. I told her I will always love her unconditionally. How could I not? She is kind, loving, generous, intelligent, funny and so much more. And she’s mine. 💜
When our son came out to us, he said something to the effect of, I'm still the same person you raised. It was true. If you loved your child before the transition, you will love them after.
The findings of this survey make me very sad.
My Republican family accepted me when I came out fourteen years ago but since the GOPMAGAs have declared open and total war on our existence in the fall of the '24 campaign, that has changed and we are no longer able to see each other or even speak to each other. They blame ME for my "extremism", because apparently expecting to be treated like a human being and possess equal recognition under the law is asking too much.
C'est la vie, c'est le guerre.
I'm guessing it's cognitive dissonance. They KNOW that the party they support is persecuting you. They've taken a side. Perhaps after all this crap blows over and their mental illness resolves, you'll get your family back.
Me, too.
Both "me too" as in I hope I get them back and also I think you're 100% correct, thr real issue is that they are unprepared to confront severe cognitive dissonance. They refuse to acknowledge they are suffering ongoing trauma from the disconnect between how they feel about the party they were raised to worship along with the Roman Catholic Church and the war that party has declared upon the existence of people like me. They cannot process that "their team" is persecuting "their" adult child. But I'm almost 60 and in poor health. They're 82. I'm not sure any of us have time for fascism in America to wither and fuck off.
So they are maladaptively coping by blaming "transgender activists", George Soros, transgender extremists, communists, and Democrat pedophiles for... EVERYTHING. And I am an actual Trans advocate, have been for decades, and a progressive, a feminist, a polylingual multiculturalist, a Wiccan, a Unitarian, an educator, a community organizer, and a proud self identified queer. I literally cannot imagine what could be added to my resume to make me more distasteful to any given MAGA affiliated GOPer.
They love blaming people who vote Democrat on groomers, atheists, communists, and bad parenting. They haven't yet made the connection there to their OWN cognitive dissonance, lol.
I have to laugh because I'm saving my tears for the families of the people actually dying and actually being killed by the regime right now.
I know very few late stage transitioners that haven’t lost the majority of support and family. Myself included can count on one hand who in my family who accept me. And not 1 friend from my pre-transition days are friends now, to embarrassed of their friends opinions. But I’m still happier now and it’s their loss 😉
It is really a Shame that parents fail to recognize their child’s needs. Parents expect and want their child to fit into typical modes a boy is a boy a girl is a girl and it is very difficult to accept anything else. What they fail to recognize is that child did not choose what they are. What they need is the love and support of their parents and family to reach their full potential. My wife and I are the grandparents of a trans child and we love and support her as we would any grandchild. We feel grateful everyday that she is healthy and thriving. I feel sorry for those parents who cannot except their child they will miss so much joy.
A truly horrible statistic. Where can I sign up to be some trans people’s dad? I've got nothing but love for you.
Those statistics are heartbreaking. I cannot imagine a parent turning away from their child. I am just horrified by much of the population today; where is kindness and acceptance?
The first trans person who shared his transition with me is my friend Andy. I met his parents and, since they were really educated people with advanced degrees, they did the study, asked doctors the proper questions and prepared for him to live his best life. They helped him every step of the way.
In contrast to this, is a young trans woman, Jolene, who I call my daughter. One of many new chosen family members. Her hyper-religious mother forced her to detransition and speak out against transitioning AND trans people in general. She was even MAGA, during that time.
Her sense of Authentic Self was too strong and she re-transitioned, moved out, lived on her own, has had some trials and hurdles to jump over, but is now living a better life, with her new trans mom and several other trans women in the Cleveland area. We just celebrated her 39th birthday. (Her first with the proper gender marker on her driver's license) We went Downtown together and got that done a few months ago.
All someone needs to do is to listen, learn and drop the facade of knowing biology, science and psychology, just because you can regurgitate "X and Y", "gonads and gametes", a few anatomical parts nomenclature and religious rhetoric.
As I was typing this, another daughter called me to let me know she was OK. Had some post-op/post revision difficulties. She's autistic, AND she's doing well at a local university, studying Social Work. Getting good grades, holding down a job, has a boyfriend, keeps up the house she's living in. (Tell that to RFK Jr.!!) Defying all the bigots' insinuations, she exists. During her bottom surgery, doctors discovered ovaries, intact and functioning. Wonderful story; wonderful kid.
She's doing a study on the social issues faced by trans folks. Three of her new siblings are participating in the study; Jolene, mentioned above, April and August; all of them are my new kids. (The last two being musicians) We've played together in the same local community band.
August told me that I got to play in his very first concert, where he was fully out and dressed as a boy!!
There's actually a lot of Trans Joy over here in the Cleveland area. Thankfully, enjoyed by my kids.
Protect trans kids, listen to them, care for them, hide them, if it comes to it. Learn more, meet more folks who are different than you. Find common ground, while standing your ground if possible. Don't anybody give up and pack it in. Resist! Go to protests. Talk to others and pass along the truth about trans kids. We're doing the best we can here in Ohio!
One of the patterns that, anecdotally I’m familiar with, is relatives that were relatively “accepting” years ago but are not now. In other words, a backsliding of support. One can question if they were ever really accepting in the first place, but some support is better than none.
For this terribly sad pattern, you can thank politicians and the media and their unrelenting war on trans people.
My son is trans, newly disabled and lives with me. I can’t imagine being a different kind of mama bear.
As a parent of now adult children all I can say is treating my children differently because of the color of their skin or the perception of their assigned sex at birth is disgusting. It’s repulsive to me.
We’re supposed to live in a world of equal opportunity. The constitution protects us and our individual liberty. What’s fair is fair. Everybody plays by the same rules. Everybody gets to play on the same playing field and cooking the same kitchen.
I mean with all the red in this country this isn’t shocking. I have 8 chosen family members who had to rehome ( 4 of which I gave room to when they needed it ) because their families said GTFO. Pew just validates that
If 70% of parents of trans people aren't accepting, that unfortunately suggests a problem that transcends the red-blue divide.
I dont think that its a red-blue line issue. I think that is a raw acceptance issue. Too often people lockstep Red - Conservative and blue - Liberal. This is not always the case. Look at the history of Dixiecrats - hard right wing democrats from the 40s 50s, and 60s. There ARE conservative democrats, even now. But reasons as to why a parent may not be accepting could be
1) Religious or cultural convictions opposing gender variance.
2) Fear of societal stigma and bullying toward the child.
3) Misunderstanding of transgender identity, assuming it’s a phase.
4) Concern for the child’s mental‑health risks without support.
5) Lack of exposure to positive transgender role models or supportive community networks today.
All of these cases may not necessarily fall into a Conservative vs Liberal mindset, so I tend to agree with you Evelyn.
My dad is 79, retired, cishet, white, upper middle class, and atheist. I would describe him as center-right; he voted Republican until Trump happened but hates the man and all of his cronies and now he votes blue. He has one younger brother that I haven't spoken to or seen in years.
Dad performs the bare minimum of acceptance of me as a trans woman. He rarely deadnames me, sometimes misgenders me, and there's definitely a bit of a gulf that has formed between us since I came out.
My mom died more than 20 years ago, well before I came out. Her side of the family doesn't acknowledge my existence. I died, or I never existed, take your pick. They are cishet, white, middle class, and mired in a cult-like sect of Christianity just as crazy and insular as Scientology.
My boyfriend's cishet, white, upper class, Deep South evangelical Christian parents (70s-ish in age) are retired. His mom accepts me with her whole heart. His dad is civil at best and wisely keeps his mouth shut when uncomfortable topics arise.
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones...?
I was a late bloomer as it were coming out in my late fifties and transitioning from 2018 to the present(I’m 67 now!) l was never able to come out to my parents because they had passed on by then but I know that My Mom would have been naturally surprised and possibly shocked by such a revelation but she would have accepted me as Stephanie! I don’t know if Dad would have but I like to think he would have! Not withstanding, it breaks my heart that so many of my community members are rejected by blood relatives and parents! But just know that their behavior is All On THEM! It’s not and Never Will Be the Childs Fault that they are Horrible People and Parents, THEY OWN THEIR OWN HATREDS!
Live Your Life to the Fullest and Most Authentic Self! TRANS IS FOREVER!🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈❤️