Ruin Thanksgiving For Trans Rights

Seriously. You've got a moral obligation to if it is safe to do so.

It’s that time of year again. Turkey, gravy, stuffing, and that transphobic uncle that likes to make crude jokes about trans women with facial stubble. So let’s say it together now as Thanksgiving Dinner nears: you have my permission to ruin Thanksgiving, and in fact, you have a moral duty to.

That’s right. Instead of listening to your uncle go on a tirade about how transgender people are grooming kids and staying quiet, you have my permission to call him out. You have my permission to refuse to pass him the gravy. You have my permission to look at him in the eyes and tell him he’s not welcome at the table. You have my permission to tell your parents that you will not join or take part in the feasting if he is present. Doing so in front of family is not only something you have the permission to do - it’s essential to ensuring that we eradicate transphobia from society and make it so that those who act transphobic feel ashamed to do so in public.

One of the biggest problems that transgender people have with our allies is the liberal complacency that seems to dominate so much of their decision-making. Sometimes people who are otherwise allies like to sit at tables and stay quiet because they think that everything will work itself out, that this transphobic uncle is an aberration and that everyone knows he’s wrong but nobody “wants to cause trouble.” I am absolutely begging you to get out of that mindset. By not confronting transphobia everywhere it rears its head, you allow it to gain a foothold as an acceptable view to have in modern society. The consequences of the allowing transphobia to go unchecked are many: laws meant to detransition trans youth, edicts to take transgender kids away from their parents, people reacting violently to trans women in public bathrooms are just some of the ways transphobia rears its head in modern society.

I promise that your uncle doesn’t care about “not wanting to cause trouble.” There is a reason that those with extremist views on LGBTQ+ people go on tirades or hint at their views at the dinner table. They’re actively trying to portray their views as worth dignity and respect. They know that even if you don’t agree with them, agreeing that it is an acceptable debate to have is a victory to them. They normalize hatred towards transgender people - a kind of hatred they deliver from their circles, where they will tolerate even further extremist hatred. This is how these views insidiously permeate society.

Just this week, the Colorado night club, Club Q, was attacked. We learned recently that the perpetrator’s father, when interviewed about his son, went on a homophobic tirade where he mentioned being glad that he found out that his son wasn’t gay. He mentioned that he raised his son with hatred towards LGBTQ+ people. While this guy’s tirade may seem extreme, many of us have heard similar things at the dinner table - perhaps said in a clearer and calmer way using weasel words and innuendo, but this man’s views are not unique in America. Not challenging them early on allows them to fester and allows those who have engrained transphobia from their existence in American public life to possibly latch on to the seeds of radicalization.

You have every right and even responsibility to “cause good trouble.” This doesn’t go only for the dinner table. Right now, the fight for transgender rights is as perilous as it has ever been. Panels are convened with no oversight and sent to hotel conference rooms to make decisions that will remove lifesaving medical care from transgender youth in Florida. Trans people and cisgender allies went to the first meeting and were calm and collected even as their testimony was ignored and even as they cut the meeting early. They went to the second meeting, more upset, but still acted in a mostly orderly way even as they were barred from presenting the case for transgender rights. On the third meeting, however, they decided to “cause trouble.” They broke the rules of the meeting, decided to cause good trouble, and stood up and chanted “we will not be quiet, Stonewall was a riot.” THIS is the energy we need you to bring to the dinner table.

The entire system of anti-trans legislation and action in the United States is designed to take advantage of your liberal complacency. Transphobia is not only in the domain of bigoted statements said by family at the dinner table. Liberals can, believe it or not, hold transphobic opinions as well. You can see it when liberal journalists publish “both sides” articles in the New York Times and The Atlantic designed to get you to accept that transphobic uncle’s tirades as worthy of legitimate discourse - often transphobes take advantage of the inclination among liberals to “hear out the discourse” and “give all sides the time of day” and to “not make waves or trouble.” Don’t be surprised if you hear the New York Times brought up this Thanksgiving, too - here’s a primer on how to engage with it.

So as you sit down to eat your turkey today, consider not passing the gravy. Consider not letting your transphobic family members have a seat at the table. Consider speaking up and not letting transphobic tirades go unchallenged. Call your transphobic family bigots. Tell your parents and siblings that you’re not going to sit at the dinner table if they are allowed there. Call out the people who vote for politicians pushing bills that hurt your trans friends and family. Wear that piece of jewelry or pin that signifies you’re an ally. Piss them off with pronouns. Talk about your trans friends and how much you love them.

Go ahead and ruin Thanksgiving.